I have SO MUCH to say…

and yet, nothing to say, at the same time!

Just feelings, really.

Anxiety. Concern. Anger. Sadness.

It’s weird because, I’m not necessarily in a BAD mood. I’m just…in a “mood.” When Lockup or Lockdown or whatever the hell that show is called, I decided to flip channels and “Oh! What have we, here? A Walking Dead Marathon! Yay!!!” Right after deciding that I was going to settle in and read some more of Compendium One. They are at the prison where I am in the book and they are at the prison, right now. On the show. Crazy, right???

DACA. Americans. YOUNG Americans. This is one that is not going to sit well with a whooooooooole lotta people. SHOULD. Trump decide to cancel the program. It will be seen as an all-out attack on all that we hold dear. All that is right. All that is just. An attack on children. An attack on young college students. Construction workers. People who are vital to the fabric that IS America. Donald Trump is nothing less than evil incarnate. A cancer. A pariah. The Anti-Christ.

How was that for melodrama?

There is so much on my mind, right now. The need to escape to somewhere. Anywhere. A place that’s not here. A place that is not The United States. [deep breath] There was a time, in the not too distant past, that I thought that I would end up in North Carolina. The place where my folks are originally from. “Home” as my mom and dad used to say. Every Thanksgiving. That’s when we would pack for the long holiday weekend and head south to visit THEIR mom and dad. My paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather. (He was the master storyteller.)

Then came Trump.

Like a thief, robbing me of my joy. Clouding my direction and throwing a monkey wrench into my life. [deep breath] BUT…as bad as it is, I know that what I’m feeling. What I am going through. What I am up against??? Is NOTHING compared to other people out there. Other people RIGHT HERE. Right here, in Vegas, where I live. A city that I am really digging, the longer I stay. I like it. I LOVE IT. *But*……………..there’s a little, tiny nagging. A little something way, way, WAY back in the back of my being that asks, on a daily basis “Is this really where you want to be?” And the answer is a simple:

I. Don’t. Know.

I’m going to do something, though. Going to make a move. KEEP moving. In a different direction. Another direction. Entirely. I know I’m always saying that shit. Like a broken record. But, I am still here. In The United States. But, I can tell you this: I’m not going to keep singing the same tune. Not for much longer. This whole thing has just about run it’s course. I will be doing a little bit of traveling this month and NEXT month, I will be HOME, here, in Vegas, indefinitely. There’s shit here that I’ve been wanting to do. Shit here that I have been NEEDING to do, that I haven’t done yet. Shit that I am tired of *thinking* about doing. That I haven’t done yet. That I haven’t even STARTED to do, yet. Shit’s like long overdue.

The last time I felt this “stuck in a rut”, I went back to school and earned my degree.

It’s to that point, again.

Gotta strap in, buckle down and get to work.

[deep breath]

That’s it.

Once again, I’m out. ✌🏾