Changes

I don’t like them. It’s hard for me. I think it’s one of the things that you grow increasingly INTOLERANT of, as you age. Fact: I am aging. Things change, as we get older. Our own bodies. Our preferences *may* change…or evolve. The places around us. Our relationship status may change, along with our Facebook statuses, LOL!!!

7669 had a song called “Changes.” it *may* have been the best track on an album that was nothing less than BRILLIANT. Still looki for it to hit iTunes, one of these days. C’mon, Motown! Anyhooz: City Limits Diner, Stamford??? Is NO MORE. The Livano Family SOLD IT. It is now “The Stamford Diner.” R.I.P. City Limits, Stamford.

The Home Front. No better. Slowly, gradually and painfully… It’s becoming more and more difficult. Again: Time. Time waits for no man. And if you’re like: “But, I’m not a man. I am a WOMAN! Hear me ROA-” hold up, sister, slow that shit DOWN. Bring it… *down*. Time ain’t waitin’ for none of y’all, either. We are born. We live. We die. The End.

Kinda related: Royal City! Dark. Depressing. Fuck. BUT!?!?! DELIGHTFUL!!! Every single issue leaves me wanting to slit my fucking wrists, but I LOVE IT!!! It’s “The Leftovers” of comic books. Only, I have more of an idea what is going on in “Royal City!” LOL!!!

I have no big announcements or major bombshells to drop. No Trump. No new music. No tv shows. I have 1,001 comic book recommendations, though and my titles that I’m all over??? Right now??? Black Mask’s “There’s Nothing There.” Aftershock Studios MASTERPIECE “The Normals.” And… I’ve already told you about East Of West, soooooooooooooo……. Ms. Marvel, makes me LAUGH and oft times, makes me all weepy. She is THE BEST!!!!!

That’s all.

Go forth and live. Life. To it’s fullest. For tomorrow. Is not promised. Amen.


Every. FUCKING. Day…

is a test. I have NO IDEA if I’m passing or failing, but I’m doing my very best. If I don’t know what to do, I make my best (educated) guess and move on. OR… I ask a friend. Or relative. Ugh.

It’s 5:23am and I just *had* have a drink, because, I had to. “Oh, you might be an alcoholic…” Nah, fuck all that. I’m all right. I would just rather drink than bite my tongue or risk a panic attack. [deep breath] This is what my life has become. It happened to my grandparents. Now, it’s MY parents. And then, it’ll be my turn. We are born. We live. We die.

Sorry to be a Debbie FUCKING Downer, but this is how I get every time I come home. It’s frustrating. And has sometimes been heartbreaking. I can not live here, full time. I just CAN’T. BUT, we all chip in. We all do the best we can. I don’t know if anyone else here in my family is as in tune with what’s going on with my mom, but, I’m the oldest and I guess I ask the most questions. “Just because.” The thing that really pisses me the fuck off is that I *rarely* like the answers to the questions that I ask.

I am not sure what the fuck is going on *right now*, with my mom, BUT, I’m *pretty* sure and it’s not good. It is sooooooooo not good. No, no, no, no, no. [deep breath]

We get together. We plot. We execute. That’s my family, right now. We TRY to plot the best course of action and then, we head off in that direction. So far, it’s been working out. [deep breath] But, I’m not sure how much longer we can stay on this current path. It’s already becoming *increasingly* uncomfortable.

I just got back yesterday after a FUN weekend in Northern Virginia and I’m already having a rough fucking day. Yea…today is going to be a tough one, for sure.


Sometimes…

I have to bite my tongue. I don’t like biting my tongue, but if I *must* bite my tongue? Then, my tongue I will bite.

Good evening!!!

Storms came through, but they are gone. They say the humidity is going to drop. (Yay!!!) I don’t like humidity. [deep breath] I can hardly wait to get back to The Best Coast. I hate to say that, but, it’s the truth. I love catching up with friends AND family and you all *know* how I love, love, love, love, LOVE, love, love New York City, the city that is the MOST nearest and dearest to my heart, BUT…when it comes down to it??? I *have* to be out west.

Did I tell you that I just picked up “Paper Girls?” Yea. Another comic book store recommendation. It’s an addiction. It truly is.

So, it took me forever and a day to get back here from the city last night because New Jersey Transit continues to strive to be the SHITTIEST public transit system in the known universe.

Okay. I am RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE talking to my mother and it’s FRUSTRATING. It’s *so* frustrating. Her memory has so many holes in it, it’s like…it’s tough. [deep breath] I want to argue with her, but know that I can’t. It’s mean. It’s unnecessary and it’s pointless. I’m not going to go into the specifics as to what we are talking about now, just going to say that it’s *every* conversation now. Or at least, it seems to be.

It’s gettin’ me all fuckin’ fucked up emotional, so I’m just going to change the channel on THIS conversation.

Hey! Jon Ossoff! If you’re in Georgia’s 6th District, you need to get your ass out there and vote for him! He reminds me of MY old congresswoman, who me and my mom were JUST talking about: Gabby Giffords. If you know me, you know that I loooooooooooves me some Gabrielle Giffords.

Well. That’s all I got. Not a whole lot going on here on the couch. Good Night. 😘🌙🌩🌚💤☔️😴


Morning Thoughts

Heading to NYC, this morning. (Yay!!!)

I guess I will go ahead and spare you of all of the “it’s so hard to be home” talk. I guess I will go ahead and be thankful that I have a home and that I am able to spend some quality time with my mom. I know I complain a lot about a lot of things, but I love my mom and I love my family. I used to love my hometown, but looking back, I think it’s because I really didn’t have a whole lot to compare it to. Philly? Baltimore? North Carolina? Boston? I don’t know.

A Republican got SHOT, yesterday!!! Don’t think it’s going to change a damn thing. It won’t. Of course, my mom started up about how my dad’s guns and HER gun are still missing. BUT, there are no small children in the house, so we don’t really worry about it. My dad LOVED to hide things and he always had a knack for hiding things from himself! LOL!!! Yea, that was my dad. [deep breath]

People in my hometown are fucking. weird. They just…are. Not really sure WHY and in what way. I know *that* probably sounds weird in itself, but it’s TRUE. I sometimes feel like doing a documentary on my hometown but it would be so pathetically BORING that people would probably kill themselves before it even reaches the 20 minute mark, LOL!!! 💤😴 💤 (Wake me when this paragraph is OVER!)

I am debating on if I should talk about the young black kid on twitter who followed me, yesterday. HE followed ME. I follow him back. He DMs me. And it all went downhill from there. 22 years old, going on 6! BLOCKED. It was, YET AGAIN, another instance of me being respectful to someone, TRYING to BE HELPFUL, answering HIS QUESTIONS, only to be disrespected and called an asshole for reasons that I’M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT!!! I suspect it was because I wasn’t replying to his messages fast enough??? It doesn’t matter, FUCK HIM. I sometimes think of deleting my twitter, or at the very least, settin’ that shit on private. TOO MANY MUTHAFUCKERS GETTING ON MY MUTHAFUCKIN’ NERVES!!!!!!!!!!! That’s what I’m going to start calling twitter, going forward. Too many rude, pushy, aggressive, STUPID muthafuckers, grating on my god damn nerves. [deep breath]

Okay. Signing off. By the time you read this, I’ll be back in The Big City! Happy Thursday, errbody!!!


It is increasing difficult…

for me to come home and not have my mood sour. I have talked to several friends of mine who have aging parents about parents aging and it is NEVER easy for a child…and grandchildren…to see their elders get older. It’s tough. As I have mentioned before, it is tougher than taking care of children, when they are little. There’s no “one size fits all” way of handling this shit, man. It’s hard.

I lost an aunt & an uncle. In the last few weeks. I had NO IDEA. No one fucking told me. My uncle was my father’s baby bro. There was only three of them and now, my dad’s sister is the only one left. She is the middle child. This is very, VERY disturbing to me. My mother *thought* she had told me, but she didn’t. I’m sure family was talking about it on Facebook, but I’m not on fucking Facebook. I’m sad now. Not angry, but I *am* stewing. And right on cue, here comes that cough. If I had MY way, I’d pull up every fucking inch of carpet in this house and replace it with hardwood flooring. BUT…it’s not my house. So…

And I am sure that mom really did think that she told me my uncle had passed. But, she didn’t. He was the only one who knew how to get to the ruins of my grandmother’s house. Now, he’s gone. Just like the old road that connected her house to the nearest paved road. I already had to go down there THIS SUMMER, anyway, so, yea. Fuck, man.

Now Playing: Exile – Kiss You All Over

There are certain things that are really starting to fucking irk me. I know that I am a softy BUT tend to do some knee jerky type shit, so now, I try to chill and put myself in other people’s shoes more because I fear that as I get older, well… I think that I am becoming more of an asshole as I get up there in age. So, I’m trying not to just block people right off the bat. As many of you know, I have a new phone number. I have become very selective as to WHO I share that number with, but, I still fear that there might be a *few* people that have my number that I would rather them NOT have my number. [clears my throat]

My hillbilly-ass local liquor store here in The Jungle doesn’t carry “Not Your Mother’s Apple Pie.” Get my muthafuckin’ ass back to Sin City, I need to get the holy fucks outta town SOONER than *later*, jeez. I was going to lecture the guy at the store, but he’s a snarky piney and I’m 100% sure that he would not give a fuck because the store caters to a more “humble” clientele and I’m just a guy who comes through ever few weeks for a couple of bottles of Yellowtail and an occasional corkscrew, due to the fact that there’s a gremlin in my mom’s house that survives by eating corkscrews. [clears my throat] Fuck, man. It’s 90+ degrees and god awful fuckin’ humid here, Jesus.

I was going to head to the city Weds morn, but I may leave tomorrow night, instead. I don’t fucking know. 30-something year old me was too good to live in Queens because it was “too far away from everything” but now 50 year old me is like “Muthafucker.” If I could build a time machine and go back and I HATE HAVING REGRETS!!! But, I guess, we ALL have them. I just have to try to NOT dwell on mine and let them consume me. I can’t let what I could have/should have done stop me from reaching the goals that I am setting for the near future. Life.

[clears my throat]

I go into some of these things thinking: Keep it short. But, here I am, ranting. God, flying off the muthafuckin’ handle about shit that I can’t change. I CAN NOT CHANGE some of the shit that I bitch about. I can only react and comment. And you know? I’m done. Not gonna stew and sour. Listen: Give your mom a hug. Give your dad a hug. I’m in this hot ass house, right now. My mom is asleep. When she wakes up? I think I’ll give her a hug. On second thought? No. It will probably freak her out. BUT, if YOUR mom is a huggin’ type, then, go ahead and give her a hug! LOL!!!

I’m out. Gonna pour myself a drink. I need a drink. I *deserve* a drink.

Go, Cavs!

✌🏾


Morning Thoughts

Okay. So, I did NOT pay extra for “premium seating”, so they gave me seat 5E. Middle bulkhead. Yay!!! A $31 value, according to the kiosk (due to extra legroom.) WINNING!!!

American Airlines now has 2,341 boarding groups. It took us *about* 45 minutes to board. And after all that shit, two people got upgraded BUT they had to double check some people because apparently, well, the end result was that NO ONE got the shit beat out of them and bounced off of the plane. Yay!!!

[yawn] I am flying from Denver to Philly, non-stop to spend some time with the family and pack EVERYTHING I have back east to move it to Vegas. And then, it’s BACK to Tucson to pack and move my shit out of storage to Vegas.

Man, Mile High Comics in Denver is LEGIT. I mean, if I was to ever go back to a real 9-to-5 kinda day job, I could TOTALLY get into working there! Speaking of comics: The guy sittin’ next to me looks like James Marsden, btw. For real! And the edgy punk in the window seat has a pair of leopard skin Chuck Taylors on. LOL!!! I know, right!?! LMAO!!!!!

[yawn] Okay. We are moving. Finally. (Were supposed to take off at 7. It’s now 7:17. American must be taking tips from Delta on how NOT to be on time! LOL!! Okay. I’m going to try to get some more sleep. I slept sooooooooooooooo much, yesterday! AND last night! Oh my god! SO much sleep!

See ya on the east side! 🙋🏾‍♂️


Evening Thoughts

Loud kids, down at the pool. Thank god, I’m a heavy sleeper. EARLY flight tomorrow. Like…early. Heading home. I had a WONDERFUL time in Denver and Colorado Springs is SUCH a cool “little town!” I must REALLY explore it, sooner, in depth, later, for sure. [yawn] I’m SO TIRED!!! Came back ***BEAT***, took a nap, woke up, packed and now it’s time to go RIGHT back to sleep! [yawn]

Quick: I didn’t come here through Ellis Island, but I’m here. Do I think the system is perfect? Nope. Do I feel guilty when someone calls me “anti-black and complicit” on twitter? Nope. I’m not going to apologize for being me. I have been around for a while. I’ve seen a few places. I’ve done a few things. [yawn] I’m SO tired. Gotta get this out: OUR Democratic Party is being hijacked. The Russians tampered with the election and now I fear that they are fucking with my party. Well. It’s not going to be my party for much longer. I really am over this shit. All of it. Done. Bye. Over and out.

[yawn]

I want no part of this shit, anymore. I don’t. I really don’t.

Extremity #4. WOW. That’s all. Just… I’m vested. And I can’t stop yawning. See you back on the east side tomorrow. I have NO BEER at my mom’s, but she’s got that GOOD wifi & my niece is there for the summer and she’s a wine drinker, so, YAY!!! And my dad’s old VitaMix is still there. Vodka? Something? Fruity? Summery??? 🤔 I’ll get back to you on that! LOL!!!

[yawn]

Nite Nite! 😍😍😍