I raised my voice a little bit higher than a regular conversational tone and even though I was facing the back, I think I woke the guy up who is sitting in front of me. Shitty airline behavior is definitely contagious.
I really do HATE flying. Not the physics of being 38,000ft above the earth. Not the crossing of multiple time zones in a single leg. (I’m SO over jet lag, unless I’m going to Asia or Europe.) Not the fear or crashing or turbulence or turbulence that leads to crashing. I hate the PEOPLE around me. Almost all of them are people that I know I would hate if I met them in real life. I am sure of it.
Give me the train any day of the week. Any week of the month. Any time of the year. Or a tour bus. I could dig a tour bus. I could REALLY dig a tour bus. OMG. I know… Argh!!! No!!! LOL!!! Uh Uh… LMAO!!!
Alcohol make EVERYTHING better! Except your liver. I’m pretty sure alcohol is not good for your liver.
Some days, I wake up and I’m like: One day I am going to die and it’s going to SUCK and then I’m like: How am I going to know it sucks if I’m not around? LOL!!! And then I’m like: It will suck for those left behind. And then, I’m like: It will suck not to be around anymore and THEN I’m like: I really want to be around for what??? Flying cars??? We were supposed to have that shit by the year 2000. That shit came and went and we didn’t get no fucking flying cars. We did get cars that parallel park themselves. But I am TOO much of a control freak to let a fucking car park itself. What if that shit malfunctions and you’re in LA or CT and it crashes into a Bentley or a Maybach? Fuck. That. Maybach. Think about it…
Story time: One time, I was at the mall and this chick TAPS the back of my IROC, splitting the rubber bumper. I tell her that it’s a tear in the rubber and not to worry about it. I went to the dealership for a new bumper and they said $700. I said “Just repair it.” And they said they couldn’t. The whole bumper needs to be replaced. I told them that the bumper (underneath) was just fine. I just need the rubber part. I’m no fucking dummy. My dad??? Pretty fucking good diesel mechanic. I had been to a few junkyards. I’m not STUPID. He says: “I know that. It’s $700 for the rubber part and that doesn’t include paint.” LMAO!!!!! Um, yes. Do not worry about it. Sorry to waste your time. The hotties at the club ain’t going to be looking at my bumper that closely, LOL!!!
Okay: I’m back from the bathroom. The aisle seat guy next to me went at the same time as the Asian guy in back of me, so I took the time to pack up and slide out and DAMN. The Asian guy is friggin’ tall. Again. I feel kinda bad. But fuck that. If you need THAT much leg room??? Buy a first class ticket! Or an exit row seat! Remember when those seats were free??? LOL!!! Not any more!!! If you thought “Tall Asian??? There’s no such thing!!!” FUCK YOU, RACIST!!!!! LMAO!!! I lived in Japan for a year and saw some leggy Japanese girls that towered over me. Of course, I am 5ft6, but that’s beside the point, LOL!!! I could be accused of the same (stereotyping), assuming that the Asian guy behind me can afford first class (because he is Asian and ALL Asians are made of money!) or an exit row seat, which costs like $89 extra. He *is* young and maybe he’s a student or actually works for a living and doesn’t have rich parents.
One of the law-abiding citizens (which is code word for white people) beside me…put out a silent one that is KILLING my olfactory region right now. But I’m not trippin’. I hear it’s not good for you to hold your farts in.
Is it too late to add a disclaimer??? LOL!!! This entry may border TMI territory and MAY offend white people and Asians but NEWSFLASH: Any non-Black person reading this, KNOWS me and KNOWS that I am THE most non-racist person in the world. EVER. Even black folks have accused me over the years for being and/or acting white because I have a pretty good control over the English language. As did my parents. Well… My mom is still with us. She’s still VERY intelligent and STILL has her lead foot and she’s pushing 80, as I approach 50. Don’t get it twisted. We be uppity black folks in my family. My dad was born and raised in North Carolina and had NO southern accent because of all of the places he lived all over the world.
Wait… Back on track…
Rachael what’s her face. From the Spokane NAACP. I caught some paparazzi styled news (video) footage of her leaving her car and entering her house, last night. It probably came from TMZ. Her booty??? Shit is LEGIT. She was wearing gym shorts and a tank top. Black Girl Body. She gets a pass from me. She black. She has a black man and black children and worked very hard to do whatever the fuck the NAACP does these days, LOL!!! She Black!!! LMAO!!! I have enjoyed the last several days of the #AskRachel tweets and the new hashtag that escapes me, but if I saw her on the streets or in the club??? I would tell her that she is okay in my book. She is not likely to run into me anytime soon because a.) I have not been to Spokane in 10 years, b.) I friggin’ HATE Spokane and c.) I have entirely TOO MUCH SHIT to stress over than some white girl pretending to be a sista who is CLEARLY mental because… Who does shit like that!?!?! LMAO!!!!! But if it was an alternate universe? In another place? In another life????? Yea. I’d be trynna hit that, LOL!!!
She Bad like Michael Jackson, LMAO!!!!!
d.) I’m too fucking old for the club! LOL!!! Back the truck up: My sons are older than most of these young whipper snappers that follow/dig me on twitter, Instagram & tumblr! LOL!!! Be not deceived: I’m a kid at heart but will be 49 in September, son! LMAO!!!
Okay. Put this one in the books. I think I have an hour until my next stopover. DC. Layover. Sorry. Dinner and more wine.
Tomorrow and the next couple of nights??? Connecticut and then??? Home to DC. Back on the west coast at the end of the month. Yankees series. OC. A yearly ritual.
Same Bat Hilton. Same Bat Summer. Don’t think because I haven’t seen the Yanks this year, haven’t tweeted about the Yanks much this year, skipped spring training this year and haven’t blogged about or even BEEN to a Yanks game this year, that I have given up on my New York Yankees. I still LOVE my Yankees (and Knicks, ugh. Pass me that barf bag, will you) and have a whole lot of shit going on in my personal life these days. Family. Lawyers. Other pressing shit. Shit that has me flying back and forth and forth and back.
It’s called Life. And Life is a wonderful thing. In addition to being a magazine that nobody reads anymore. LOL!!!
BTW: My book is coming and I will probably be sharing more and more of stuff about myself in my blog that will not make it into the book. I’ll continue to share more & more, that is. Stuff about my personal life without exposing my family or opening me up to psycho stalkers.
Now playing: Lakeside – Special.
Reminds me of a woman I once dated who was pure evil. Didn’t stop me from falling in love with her, though. We started seeing each other as another sista that worked in our building (who worked for Capitol Records), hit me up with all of my favorite Lakeside and David Bowie albums on CD, AS…wait… BEFORE they were even reissued! She was a sweet girl! The one who worked for Capitol. LOL!!! Not my girl. She wasn’t even a nice person. But that’s either here not there. Or is it NEITHER here nor there???